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February 17, 2012


“That’s My Girl” — The Magic Words

by Ecstasy
That's My Girl

Words are a woman’s weakness. The words you choose to communicate with your girlfriend can take her to peaks of emotional highs or valleys of emotional lows.

There are a few magic, go-to phrases that are guaranteed to get a great reaction from your girlfriend. My favorite phrase, and the one I will break down today, is: “That’s my girl!”

Why It Works

Claims Her

By using the possessive “my”, you are implicitly placing a claim on your girlfriend. While we are way past the age of viewing women as property, staking a claim is very seductive to her.

Every woman wants to belong to someone. She wants to feel emotionally and physically bound to someone (note this is different then dependent on someone). This desire to belong is what drives the formation of intimate relationships.

Since you are her significant other, her desire is thrusted upon you. In other words, your girlfriend wants to feel like she belongs to you. When you stake a claim on her, in this case through your subtle words, her desire becomes validated.

A large part of growing closer in relationship is through an increasing sense of possession. The words we choose to express that possession are important. For example, “girl I’m hooking up with” sounds different than “my girlfriend” which in turn pales next to “my wife” or “my lover”.

Using the phrase “That’s my girl!” both exerts your claim of possession and makes your girlfriend feel closer to you.

Places You In a Dominant Position

A claim of possession is a dominant position. Think about your relationship over your possessions (your clothes, money, etc). You are clearly the owner, occupying a dominant relationship relative to your possessions.

Furthermore, using the term “girl” versus “woman” exerts more subtle dominance. “Man” is on the same level as “woman”, but “boy” and “girl” are clearly subordinate to either.

The implicit assumption in the phrase is that your girlfriend is occupying the more submissive “girl” position. To even understand the meaning of the phrase “That’s my girl!”, your girlfriend would have to imagine herself as a “girl”.

This is important because girl-like qualities such as playfulness and energy are conducive to your seduction.

Rewards Good Behavior

“That’s my girl!” is a signal of your approval. It shows that you like whatever it is that your girlfriend just did.

You can also embellish the basic phrase with whatever adjective you’d like. The adjective you choose will unconsciously shape her behavior towards it.

For example, if you applaud your girlfriend by saying “That’s my adventurous girl!”, you are giving approval for her acting adventurous. Because she now equates acting adventurous with gaining your approval, she is likely to performing more adventurous actions in the future in hopes of further approval.

Have fun with this. What other adjectives can you think of? Spontaneous, beautiful, cute, charming…naughty 😉

Have you ever used “That’s my girl!”? Are there any go-to phrases you use with your girlfriend? Leave a comment below!

4 Comments Post a comment
  1. Feb 23 2012

    I’m a big fan of “You know just what to do to X (turn me on, make me feel better, etc.).

    This is a great way to let her know that she’s special to me and I appreciate what she does.

  2. Ecstasy
    Feb 24 2012

    Exactly, Matt.

    The appreciation serves as a positive reference point for her. Not only will she feel validated, but she’ll also be more likely to perform the rewarded action in the future.

  3. James
    Dec 15 2013

    I feel like if I suddenly said this to my girlfriend she would be taken aback by it, maybe even feel patronized. I don’t think she would warm up to the phrase right away, unless it was something I said regularly.

    • Ecstasy
      Dec 16 2013


      She very well may. If you think she’ll be unreceptive, it’s best to warm her up slowly. Try something less direct and work your way up.



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