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February 24, 2012

12

How to Get Mad at Your Girlfriend

by Ecstasy
Angry man screaming in extreme rage

Over the course of a relationship, there will inevitably be times when your girlfriend does something to piss you off.

Today I’m going to talk about when, why, and how to get angry at your girlfriend.

Why Are You Angry?

The first thing to determine is why you feel angry at your girlfriend.

Sure, it’s probably something she did or said, but dig deeper.

Why did her casual flirting with other guys pissed you off? Because her actions made you feel jealous. Why did her disinterested conversation anger you? Because she is not paying you attention.

When you uncover the real reasons why you are feeling angry, you can then start to determine if you anger is a) legitimate and b) how to express your anger constructively.

Realize that there’s always two parties involved when you start getting pissed off at your girlfriend: her and you. The following can be some general causes of your emotional response:

  1. Outside circumstances, i.e. you were having a shitty day.
  2. Misinterpretation of her intentions/meaning
  3. Her stepping on your boundaries
  4. Hormones
  5. A release of built-up negative tension in the relationship

To determine if your anger is legitimate, consider all the above factors (yes, this means you have to stop and think before reacting).

If you find you are reacting unreasonably, just shut up and take some time to cool down.

If you do find it is a legitimate reason that you are feeling angry, you’ll need to move onto the next step: determining how to express your anger to your girlfriend.

Remember, ultimately it is your perception that determines your anger. Many times the anger can be avoided by altering how you interpret events.

Ways to Express Anger

There are three main ways to express your anger:

  1. Indirect: the silent treatment, other passive-aggressive tactics.
  2. Direct: screaming, calling names, fighting, arguing
  3. Rationally: calmly bringing up the issue and why her specific action or behavior is causing you to feel angry. Attempt to reach a mutual understanding.

While the first two forms of anger expression may be used effectively every once in a while, the third way, the rational way, is usually the best approach to expressing legitimate anger. It is also the hardest and gives the least immediate emotional satisfaction. It requires the greatest degree of self-control and maturity.

To do so effectively, you must first separate your emotion and the issue at hand. If you have done the first two steps I discussed above (determining why you are angry and whether it is legitimate), this rational expression of your anger will be much easier.

Evaluating the Effectiveness of Your Expression

Does your girlfriend stop doing the things that pissed you off: If your girlfriend keeps doing the exact same things you told her to stop doing, then your expression of anger was not effective.

Is she resistant to your expression: It is natural for people to be resistant initially when confronted. But if your girlfriend is staunchly resistant for an extended period of time, your expression was not effective.

Does she retaliate: If your girlfriend retaliates by getting pissed off or further fueling your anger, then your expression was not effective (there may be bigger issues involved).

Dose she agree with you or at least understand your concern: If you have a legitimate point, chances are your girlfriend will at least understand things from your point of view, even if she disagrees with your perspective. When she can’t understand your perspective at all, then your expression was not effective.

Recap of the right way of getting pissed off at your girlfriend:
1. Think about why you are reacting angrily.
2. Determine if your anger is reasonable/legitimate.
3. Plan how you should express your anger.
4. Evaluate how effective your expression of anger was.

Finally, two parting tips:
-Don’t hold grudges, it’s probably not a big deal.
-Remember that you love her.

What does your girlfriend do that really ticks you off? Leave a comment below!

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12 Comments Post a comment
  1. jerel glass
    Jul 19 2012

    My girlfriend is very sweet but sometimes she can be a real bitch. She
    says thing like she kissed another boy or she has another boyfriend but every time she does that she gets the same results, i get very angry and when i do she decides to tell me that she was just playin.
    Somebody help me understand why does she do things like this???

    Reply
    • Ecstasy
      Mar 20 2013

      Jerel,

      She gets a kick out of seeing your react. Women often test you to feel that you WON’T react to their bullshit.

      Stop playing into her game.

      -Ecstasy

      Reply
  2. Samuel omiti
    Mar 5 2013

    My girl belittles my complains when i tend to be hurting and bring them forward,this feeling weighs me down and feel less appreciated

    Reply
    • Ecstasy
      Mar 20 2013

      What is the nature of your complaints? It could be a signal of bigger problems in the relationship that have not been addressed.

      Reply
  3. gorn
    Mar 22 2013

    my girl friend said i didnt last long enough during sex in front of her friends. we had sex literally 1 hour before and it lasted 40 mins. i know i last long enough but she has told me that she almost never orgasms. i want to pleasure her and she keeps saying its alright and that i last real long, longer than any other guy she has been with. im mad because she keeps saying its alright but this slip of the tongue makes me think otherwise. how should i deal with the situation.

    Reply
    • Ecstasy
      Mar 22 2013

      Gorn,

      Your lasting time isn’t the issue (1 hour 40 mins is quite long enough)…The fact that she’s belittling you in front of her friends is troubling.

      Were you with her when she said this? Have you noticed other behavior where she’s publicly disrespecting you?

      Regarding the actual sex though, my advice is to care less about pleasing her. That’s right. Focus on your own pleasure first.

      -Ecstasy

      Reply
  4. john
    Jun 4 2013

    My girlfriend and I made plans to go to the city for our 2nd month anniversary. She then told me 4 days before that she rather stay in because she was too lazy to go that far. So we made other plans around town. I found out today from her that she is going to the city with her friends the day before we planned to go. I dont know what she is thinking at all? What should i do in this situation?

    Reply
    • Ecstasy
      Jun 8 2013

      John,

      She is promiscuous with her commitments. Not a good sign. Also, the fact she told you she’s going into the city…sounds like she’s straying.

      Who was tracking this 2-month anniversary? You may be getting too clingy.

      -Ecstasy.

      Reply
  5. Alex
    Sep 10 2013

    My girlfriend and I have been together two months. I addressed some concerns about her hanging out with a group of guy friends. She said she understands and lets them now she is taken and wouldn’t go out one on one with a guy. She keeps hanging out with guys and even post pictures on fb with them, is this a cause for concern ecstasy ?

    Reply
    • Ecstasy
      Dec 16 2013

      Alex,

      Are these friends from before or new ones? It sounds like she’s being reasonable here (didn’t go out one on one).

      Be careful of being too jealous.

      -Ecstasy

      Reply
  6. Christopher
    Dec 7 2013

    My girlfriend has been ignoring my texts a bit too much. I would just like to put off the fact of being clingy, as don’t text her all the time and annoy her. She’s posting things on social websites yet she’s unable to reply to my “Hey Beautiful’s” and other greetings even. She recently seems to be spending time with the wrong people (not that I don’t mind her being with friends) but these are the druggies she hangs out with. I don’t want her getting into drugs or the relationship will be over. She always apologizes though, but they’re getting old as I always accept them. I get or make her a gift or two on occasion but those don’t go appreciated at all but she does acknowledge them a little. I think it’s time I confronted her about these issues but I simply just need to know what would be the best things to say.

    Reply
    • Ecstasy
      Dec 16 2013

      Christopher,

      Her actions are disrespectful towards you. Plain and simple.

      She’s ignoring your attempts at communication, and stepping all over your boundaries.

      I would not ever tolerate this level of disrespect. You can go ahead and confront her, but don’t expect her to change.

      -Ecstasy

      Reply

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